To my 1 year old

… and she is 1. A year flew, Month by month. She grew in pounds. And in inches too. A tiny creature that was placed in my arms a year ago is now a big girl who has an opinion, walks around the house claiming her territory, and gives mommy the best hugs and kisses ever. :) Babies grow but some things always remain the same. Her hair might not be as soft as it was when she was a newborn, but her head smells just the same. She might not cling on to me as she did as a newborn but her snuggles are just as warm. Her hands might not be as small as they were when she was a newborn but her little fingers wrap around my fingers just the same. Her feet are not the same size as they were when she was a newborn but they are delicious just the same. She might be a walking talking little human being now but she is my baby just the same.

My darling baby girl, on the eve of your 1 year birthday, I can’t begin to tell you how absolutely proud I am of you. You are a delight to be around! I cannot wait to see you grow into a beautiful confident young lady who has a mind of her own, and is not afraid to use it. Your father and me hope to be able to give you the right tools, guidance, and support to get you there. As a part of that strategy, here is my first dose of words of wisdom that I’ve gathered over three decades of my life. Here we go:

- Always think for yourself, my darling. Read everything written below, think about it, question it, discuss it with whoever’s opinion you value, accept what you agree with, and discard the rest. Never be pressured to think that you have to follow anyone’s opinion. You are free to form your own. Never let anyone take that freedom away from you.

- Don’t rush to be an adult. Maturity is overrated. Enjoy each stage of life for the beauty it holds. You have all your life to be an adult but you won’t get your childhood or teenage back. Live it. Enjoy your friends. Dream big. Don’t let reality limit your creativity.

- Always remember that you have only you to answer for every action you take. Not your Mother. Not your Father. It is you that you have to answer. If you are not comfortable with your decision, it’s best to not go that route. However, if you did take the route clearly wrong for you and realized later that you were wrong, accept the mistake, and move on. Do not regret your decisions. Mistakes happen. Learn from them and let go.

- Don’t be afraid to fall in love. Love wholeheartedly, love sincerely. Be prepared to fail in love too. It’s ok to fail. No two relationships are the same. You will fall in love again. Love wholeheartedly again.

- Respect your body. Stay fit. Take care of yourself. If you don’t respect yourself, no one else will.

- Nothing is ever free in life. There is always a catch. If something is too good to be true, it always is.

- Don’t give away your trust too easily. Give everyone a fair chance but take your time to get to know the person before confiding in her.

- Try not to get involved in lending or borrowing money in friendships. Money has a tendency of ruining friendships. If you lend money to a friend, don’t expect it back. If you borrow money from a friend, return it as soon as you can.

- No one’s life is a bed of roses without any thorns. Everyone is dealing with demons of their own. Never compare yourself to anyone else. You will also have many downs in life as you will have ups. It’s normal. Face life as it comes at you, accept it for what it is, and smile through it all because it will eventually get better … before it gets worse again. That’s how life is. A sinusoidal wave (as your father would say).

- Don’t expect anyone else to make you happy. Happiness lies within you. You are your biggest cheerleader. Never give up on yourself. It’s ok to feel sad, but you have to find it within you to cheer yourself up. No one else can do it for you.

- Trust yourself. Don’t ever fall for the self-blame game. It never does anyone any good. You will eventually always do what is right for you. A few wrongs don’t define a life. The rights do. Focus on all that you did and do right. Ignore the riff-raff.

- Separate yourself from negativity while dwelling in it because you can’t always walk away from negative situations in life. Don’t let the negativity affect you. Don’t be afraid of it. It cannot beat you if your faith in yourself and your skills stays strong. It is only temporary. Strength of character always wins over all undue criticisms.

- Never be afraid of baring your emotions to those you trust.

- Pursue your passions. Follow your heart. Dance, paint, sing, express your creativity … let yourself free. I already see a spark of intelligence in you. Don’t ever let that fizzle out in this world of 9-5 jobs. Work is important to survive, but so is staying true to yourself. Don’t ever lose yourself in the midst of what you have to do.

- Love yourself, love those around you, love life, value every moment of life, seize every opportunity along your way, be prepared to fail, be yourself … and always remember, if nothing seems to work, mommy’s always here to scoop you up in her arms and make it all better in a snap. It works beautifully now and I guarantee you that it always will.

I love you soo much, my little angel. I can’t wait to see those wings that you’ve got hidden so well at the moment to open up, and see you take a flight on your own accord. You are so capable of it. I know it. I see it in you everyday. I wish you the very best on your first birthday, my sweetheart. No matter what you choose to do in life now and whenever, please always know that mama loves you more than anything in the world.

Loads of sloppy kissesssss!!

Yours …. xoxo :)

I want to share a song with you that has always shown me through my toughest times …. I am sure it will for you too … :) *hugss baby* :)

Letter to an 11 month old

We skipped the 10 month old letter. We are horribly late for the 11th month letter. And we have no excuses for it. How does it matter if a little superbaby keeps Mama on her toes all day? It’s her responsibility to sit herself down at the end of the day when the baby is in bed, get her creative juices flowing, and write all about the superbaby’s amazing accomplishments. Mama is sorry, baby. She was just being lazy but we are sooo close to the 1-year mark that she was reminded that she has no time to be lazy anymore.

My sweetheart, 12 months have gone by so fast. I cannot believe that you are almost a year old! I am now in panic mode and I have loads to catch up on!! In this letter, I’d list all your accomplishments from the last couple of months and then we will do a proper letter now on your first birthday. Sooooo now at 11 months:

- You are an expert walker. Although I do miss your crawling occasionally, but nothing can make me giggle like seeing you toddle around the house.  It’s adooooorable, my love.

- You went on your first vacation and your first flight in your ninth month! To Vegas. Yep, the sin city, my darlin’. And you had an awesome time charming everyone’s clothes off. (Not that people wear that many clothes in Vegas haha :D)

- You also took your first international trip to Canada in your 10th month. The less said about that trip, the better. You are not too comfortable with sleeping in new places, and neither would you let mommy sleep if you can’t sleep. Yawn. I still get sleepy thinking of that week!

- You now have four teeth. Two top and two bottom. :)

- You are an overactive baby who finds sitting in one place even for a minute very boring. You are constantly on the move and have not gained an ounce since your ninth month doctor’s appointment.

- You had your first injury in your 11th month. You scratched your nose falling on the driveway concrete, but you were so brave about it! You only cried for a couple of minutes and let Mum cuddle you to make you feel all better. :)

- You interact with your environment like a real person now!! You wave goodbye and hello, you understand small commands like ‘sit’, ‘stand’, ‘brush hair’ etc, you enjoy sweeping the floor with a broom three times your size, you help Mum with laundry, you bring your shoes to Mum to take you outside when you’ve had enough of indoors, you love playing in water with your Dad every evening, you love the pool! You are … a human now! It’s amazing how one year ago at this time, I was still waiting for you to be born, and now, within a year, you are this fully functional human being already albeit still sooo little. :)

….. My baby, I love you sooo much. You hug and kiss me now whenever I ask you. I’ve gotta say that it’s the most precious achievement of my life so far! You are the brightest spot in my life. Your smiles cheer me up. Your persistence to explore motivates me. Your capability of learning new skills humbles me. Your sense of humor enthralls me. Your silliness amuses me. Another thing that interests me immensely lately is that I see so much of me and your father in you every passing day. You are fast getting out of the age where all kids reach the same milestones even if at their own pace. You are now becoming a unique individual who has a personality of her own, and different from other kids your age. The major milestones have been reached. Now it’s time for your personality to shine through, and I see it happening everyday. Although it makes me wonder how much of it is nature and how much nurture: now that is a struggle that I am certain will continue to boggle me for the rest of my (and your father’s) parenting career.

It’s June already. The month of your birth. 9 days from now, it’ll be your birthday. Last year, on June 1st, I was 38 weeks and 1 day pregnant. I was writing you a diary at that time too. And this is what I wrote:

Dear darling baby girl

Yep, it’s now June 2011. This will be the month of your birth undoubtedly. This will be the month that will change my life forever. This will be the month that you will start your life in. This will be the month that you will celebrate your birthday every year for many many many many decades to come. You’re no longer kicking me. You are tossing and turning and flipping around instead. Movements are intense but, as always, I love them. :) I am getting all the more impatient to meet you now though. 2 more weeks to the official EDD (June 14th). Let’s see if you make an appearance earlier than that? I need a day or two though to fix up a couple of things that I need to get ready. I’m certain that you’d give me that time considering the fun that you’re having pushing my insides around.

Your grandma is here to help me with the transition from a baby-less life to a mother’s life. Hopefully, all will go well. Fingers crossed. Please go easy on me during these final moments of descent too as you have been throughout the pregnancy? Thank you. That’s all I ask for. :D

Can’t wait to hold you, hug you, love you,  feed you, bathe you, smell you, and gaze into your gorgeous eyes. Hey, they will be gorgeous. You have to get my eyes. ! :D Muaaah love you, my little cupcake!!! See you even sooner than I would’ve a week ago. :))

Maybe the next update will have your photo?!?!

All yours
Your Materrrr :D

Ah memories!!! I cannot believe that I wrote this a YEAR AGO! Wow. And I got to do EVERYTHING I wished for. Thank you, my darlin’. You have gorgeous eyes too!!! :D Now I’ll go spend the night thinking that time goes by so fast, and how I don’t have much time left to plan for your birthday party. Panic setting in !!!! More love for you now at your birthday. Much Much love for you, my angel. Hugs and Kissesss!!!

Here’s a foto of you with your bruised face:

Letter to a 9 month old

My dearest burfi ke tukde

Tonight, when I was cuddling you before your bedtime, I told you that you were the most beautiful baby in the world, and you immediately responded with placing your smiling open mouth on mine and biting my lower lip with that nasty sharp one tooth of yours. As if you felt the weight of love behind my words and had to reassure your tired mother that you loved me too. You are growing up, my darling girl. You were a baby once. You are fast becoming a beautiful little girl who knows to laugh at your mom’s silly dance moves, knows to beat on her dad’s head sitting on his shoulders, knows to play hide and seek fearlessly, knows to giggle at herself when she catches a reflection of herself in the mirror, and knows to wrap her lovelorn parents around her tiny little toes and trample all over them whilst they keep asking for more.

Baby, when you were a teeny weeny baby thing, I couldn’t wait for you to grow up. Now that you are grown up – relatively -, I wonder if I want you to grow any more. You are perfect now. In every way. You are a miniature human being. It’s amazing. I am fascinated by you every day. You communicate with people around you in your baby ways. You interact with your environment. You explore your surroundings. You look for appreciation when you think you’ve done something that we’d applaud you for. You test your limits. You look for a firm ‘no’ (to giggle at it when you hear it) when you go rushing to the shoe stand to eat the shoes for the fiftieth time in a day. Your mom is equally stubborn though. She could remove the shoe stand and put it someplace else away from your sight, but she wants you to learn the value of the word ‘no’ and wants you to learn that you cannot always have everything in life. That is the truth, my darling. The earlier you learn, the better. Kabhi kisi ko mukammal jahaan nahi milta. You have to work for what you want, and then too, there will be times when you will fail. Failing is ok. You must learn to let go of your failures and keep going on your path of exploration.

Sometimes, when I see you crawling about, pulling yourself up on furniture, trying to walk, I sit there staring at you hoping that the spirit that I see in you now – the vigor with which you seek to explore, learn, discover, and grow now – will always continue to persist in you with equal strength. Always remember that life only gives us second chances if we give ourselves that second chance. You have to never give up on yourself. Stay strong during your rough times. You will achieve what you set to achieve. A friend once told me – and I shall always remember – that somethings in life might be improbable but nothing impossible. Take risks. Believe in yourself. Do not be afraid of failing. If you fail, get up and try again. You might fail again but you won’t know that if you don’t try again, rite? That’s your father’s line by the way. I am sure he will tell you all of that himself when you are ready to listen to him. :) Talking of your father, you know what he told me today? He said that he was afraid that he is going to give in to all of your whims. You’ve already got him all wrapped up around your little finger, you little one. Don’t worry though. I assured him that I won’t let him be walked all over by you. I’ll be the tough one. Ahem. I’ve got it all under control. Yes, I have …

or Have I? Why the heck do you have to be so darn cute and melt me into a puddle with your giggles? Why do your cheeks have to be so edible? Why do you have to be so cuddly wuddly? Coochie Moochie Poochie!! I love you, my bachhu. I love you (yes, complaints follow … hey, they are a must for every letter) even if:

- you wake up at 4 AM in the morning and won’t fall back asleep until I put you back to sleep

- you won’t eat your food sitting in your high chair

- you won’t eat your food anywhere

- you won’t sit in your carseat without waterworks after a few minutes

There. That is my list. Now I feel better having spit that out. :D Other than that, life is peachy, hun. You are a model child. Beautiful, smart, funny, social … yep, your mum and dad did a fantastic job creating you! Credit is all ours. Even when you are a grown up and are reading this now, you are you because you have such a wonderful mother like me and an almost wonderful father like your pops. Don’t forget to thank us. Pick up that phone and ring us to let us know, will ya? And when you do that, do remind us to tell you all about your life at around 9 months when you would happily eat shoes over fruits, plastic over vegetables, paper over roti, styrofoam over rice, and not to mention, you’d jump on something as banal as a laptop with such excitement that you’d pull out keyboard keys, drool over the keyboard, push the laptop into a flat board … whilst your dad sat around letting all of this happen. Arghh!! :D

Mom and Dad love you soooo much, my child. You have so much potential to be the best that can be. I see it in you now. A few months ago, I didn’t see it. Not at all. I now am beginning to see that special streak of cleverness in you that you’ve obviously inherited from your mother (not a joke). Ok, that might be a joke but the following sentence is definitely not. Love, I promise you that we will try our best to support you in every way to help you grow as a well rounded individual who has all the resources to explore her potential and reach it too. You have to promise yourself though to never give up on yourself. There will be many down times in life when you’d think that life hasn’t been fair to you. Get past them, and go on fighting. There will be some things that you might have to toss out of your dream basket. Do it. Mope over it. Feel bad about it but get over it, and pursue whatever is still left behind in that dream basket. I promise you that if you do that, there is no force stopping you from achieving the best that you can. We, your parents, are here for you … now and forever … in person and in spirit … always hoping and praying for the best for you … loving you regardless of what you choose to do in your life.

Loads of kissessssss

oh btw, I kiss you SOOOO much now!! I can’t do that when you grow up rite? Gosh, no, please don’t become a teenager!! :(

I love you, baby

Your silly but very clever mama !! :D

Here you are at 9 months, my beautiful child!! :)

Letter to an 8 month old

She crawls around the house following her mum who doesn’t tire of calling out her name hiding behind doors. She raises herself up holding a laundry basket strategically placed in front of a full length mirror, and giggles at her own reflection. She holds on to the couch tightly as she cruises along lifting one tiny step after another. She falls on her butt many times a day but gets up again immediately with a big smile. She makes my heart flutter, lips smile, and gets my teeth wanting to bite her down to her bones. ;p She is 8 months old today! The countdown begins … 4 months … to the big one year. :)

more to come …

Seventh Month Continued …

… Continued from the previous post.

So where were we, my little package of brightness? Can you believe that it took me TEN days to get back here to finish the previous post!?! Where does my time go? There are so many moments of our time together everyday that I want to capture and freeze on this blog, but enjoying you and our precious moments together always takes a precedence over spending time on the blog recording those moments. Now though, I’ve handed you off to your father, and I have a few key points that I am going to jot down and rush back to what I do all day … run after you. Yes, literally, RUN after you. Cuz babe, you are now on the move!

Sixth month was big for us. You decided that you’d given your Mum many nights of good sleep (being that you had been an excellent night sleeper since birth) and, now, you were going to spend your days and nights practicing what you thought was most fun: rocking back and forth on your knees until your legs gave. I remember the feeling of joy seeing my little baby girl who couldn’t even flip over 2 months ago, now on her tummy, raising herself up on her fours, and wanting to move forth and reach every piece of plastic in sight so she can munch on it. It took you nearly a week to get that first step going but then it was no stopping thereafter.

You are on the move now. You have been since the 30th of December, 2011. You are now pulling up to stand too. It won’t be long before you try to walk. What the heck! Stop growing up so fast! Give me more time to enjoy each stage, yeah? Wait, no. I do want you to grow up so I can go out with you … take you to the park … go to the museum with you … take you shopping … go to the library … yep, all of that cuz we can BARELY do that rite now. Cuz my darlin’, you STILL need a nap (wait, your signature CATnap) every 2 hours. And you still hate your carseat. So, we are still homebound, unless I don’t mind a screaming baby in my backseat wanting to break free from the straps that hold her down. Another few months, everyone sympathizes with me, and I sigh with expectation of freedom. :D

Also, what’s up with all the feistiness, dude? At your sixth month doctor’s appointment, you fought with the nurse when she tried to take your measurements. No kidding. You kicked her so hard that she said that she’d never had a six month old bull fight her like that ever before. Shame on you. Really. I’ve never been so embarrassed by you before. Not even when you refused to smile at a stranger we met at a grocery store after I gloated to her that you had no stranger anxiety.  Which actually you don’t. You don’t have any stranger anxiety with anyone who looks brown. Not joking. Not with desis. Not with our Mexican friends. But bring forth a white person, your tears come down pouring faster than water out of our kitchen faucet. I am not joking at all, child. You are a racist. Yep, you heard right. Admit it before you kid yourself more. :| And nope, you do NOT get it from me. Haw!

Despite all that there is wrong with you (as reported above), I want to eat you!!!!!!!!!! Only because you are my offspring, I think. Plus you are kinda cute. Just a tad. Very little. Umm ok, a lot. :D I LOVE dressing you up in your little girly cuuuute clothes! I never thought I would but you are bringing out the girl in me. I can’t wait for you to grow up and I can’t wait to dress you up more. You are my little doll who lights up any outfit that I put on you! With some outfits though, you transform from a baby to a beautiful little girl who I always want to hold close to my heart, and never let go. One day, you will transform into a beautiful young woman from a little girl, and then a grown woman who will have a family of her own. It scares me sometimes that I won’t always be there with you to protect you, to hold you when you cry, to comfort you to sleep, to kiss you when you laugh, to hug you when you want to be hugged, to make faces at you just to make you smile, to tickle you to make you giggle, and most importantly, to let you know that you are precious. My heartbeat, always remember that you will always be Mommy’s #1. Even when Mommy is really old.  :)

My darling, I hope to see you grow  to believe in yourself especially in your strengths as a woman. Always remember that there is nothing in the world that you as a woman cannot achieve if you set your heart at it. Never let anyone make you feel insecure about your womanhood. Use your femininity to your advantage. Never be ashamed of it. Be proud. Be confident. Hold your head high. Never apologize for being beautiful. Love yourself unabashedly but never let that translate into haughtiness. Know the fine line between confidence and arrogance. Tread it carefully. Be kind to others. Always lend others a caring ear. Open your heart to those who love you. Open your heart to those who need your love. World is a beautiful place, and you, my dear, have an advantage as a woman to be completely emotionally in tune with the intricacies of our network of relationships that we spend our lifetime engrossed in. Enjoy that. Immerse yourself into the world of emotions, soak up what you want to retain, let go of unnecessary burdens, and live your life as it resides in the mind of a fairytale writer.

And all this time, do remember that Mum loves you the most. You are her princess in every fairytale that she dreams of. You are the princess who every prince of the world desires but it is in your hands to decide whether you want any prince and, if you do, the choice will always be yours. You are your own fortune maker, and I shall live to see you live my dream.

Mommy AND Daddy love you more than the world ‘love’ can express. You know that but never forget it. Loads of hugs, my alora. May you always giggle and laugh as you do when Mommy plays peek-a-boo with you. May your face always be lit up as it is when you stand up holding on to your crib rails. May you always smile and make my heart melt into mushy little pieces that I have to scoop off the floor every night before going to bed only to restart the process the next morning all over again.

I love you.

xoxoxox!

Mumumumum (as you say it now) :D

Letter to a 7 month old

You really thought I wouldn’t update you on your seventh month birthday either just like I didn’t on sixth month, eh? Ha! You underestimate me, my love. I am lazy but not that lazy to skip two months in a row. Psh. Here I am. Back again to gush over you, to melt at the thought of you, to salivate at the sight of you (yes, I do occasionally -ok umm frequently- bite you :p), and to tell you that I love you now and shall love you as longg as foreverr lasts. Muahs! :))

My jaan … my reason to live … my angel … my child

I never knew love until I loved you. I could be majorly sleep deprived, and my legs could be killing me from running after you all day but I still find me waking up from deep sleep and sprinting to your room at night when I hear you cry. Sure, I mutter words (that I never want you to ever be introduced to) when you wake me up only minutes after I fall asleep, but I run to your room regardless, melt into a puddle of mush immediately on seeing you, cuddle you up in my arms, kiss you multiple times, love you, and put you back in the crib after you have had your mommy fix. It annoys me that you keep waking me but I secretly do cherish our alone moments at night which I know won’t last very long. Today, I sit here seven months after your birth, trying to recall the day of your birth … and it’s a memory that is already so distant now that it’s hard for me to remember everything as vividly as I’d like to remember it. So it really forces me to think that another few years from now when you are a bigger girl, I wouldn’t remember these nights when you keep waking me up every few hours for extra cuddles which I know I sorely need. :)

That doesn’t mean though that i won’t complain. I shall!! Your night wakings have now worsened than they were at newborn stage. …

talking of night sleep, your dad needs to sleep now and I’ll have to finish this letter tomorrow ….  typing at 11 pm lying next to him is not nice … so hang in there … i shall be backkk to tell you all about your crawling craziness and more!! :))

Here is a shot of you for now:

Letter to a half-year old

Yep, SIX MONTHS! WOOO!!! Wow! already!! For the first time in the last few months though, I don’t have a letter to share. It will come … but in a day or two. Life has been mad. Soon soon.

For now, my six month old monkey in her fancy costume being hauled around by mama: