(This is going to be a long post)

In the last couple of days, we’ve scratched the surface of unfortunate incidents like the Mangalore pub attack, treatment of women on Indian streets, status of women as second-class citizens, and of women’s freedoms that are increasingly being compromised. We’ve agonized, vented, thrown heavy objects at a wall, kicked our shins, and screamed in frustration. Yet, we are left with no solution except to keep taking harassment sitting down and agonize, vent, throw stuff around, kick ourselves and scream when it happens to us again. Nothing would change unless we have real solutions to the problems we face. One of the commentators, Jasdeep, said something really valuable: there hasn’t been a strong enough women’s lib movement in India yet; perhaps it’s time for just that.

Change is inevitable in every society. There are always forces of good change and bad change in every society depending on what we perceive good and bad as. The change that’s currently making loud splashes in India is that of a handful of people attempting to reduce women from being human to inanimate objects (most likely for their personal gain: political or otherwise). For the sake of India, however, I wish I could say that their thoughts are noble and their ideas will definitely bring about a much needed healthy change required for a society to progress but, alas, history proves otherwise. Both ancient history and recent history show that civilizations that have treated women as human beings and have given them equal rights and freedoms as their male counterparts have fared better than societies where women were suppressed. Both men and women have to form equal partnerships to balance out each others’ strengths and weaknesses for a society to be healthy and in harmony. Beating one partner down will only result in an imbalance and chaos which is good for none and history has been witness to that.

Why then are some people still insistent on playing havoc with nature’s balance? Why are women getting beat for choosing to wear clothes that they want (thanks Nim for the link)? Why can’t they wear spaghetti strap shirts if they want to? I don’t see any women organizations protesting that they don’t want to see any shirtless pot-bellied, hairy legged men in lungis! Why are men getting agitated if a woman wears a skirt? One, because they can. Two, because women are not protesting on a large scale as they should be.

How can women protest, you ask? Well, for that, we need to understand why this is happening to deduce potential solutions.(Note: this is only relevant to India)

Reasons for the current drive towards suppression of women:

1. Economic Disparity resulting in Cultural Disparity

Over the past few years that India has seen an economic boom, it has been an uneven growth. Rich and middle-class have become richer while the poor have remain poor. Wealth hasn’t trickled down in majority of India yet. The disparity between rich and poor has increased tremendously. The gap hasn’t just remained of economics but it has also become a cultural gap. While the rich part of India has welcomed and embraced the Western lifestyle readily, the rest of India still has its women draped in nine-yard saris. Jeans and western wear is a part of life for the educated and the elite while it’s a sign of rebellion against family honor for the rest of the country. Such a disparity is bound to create friction between the two separated groups as it is being observed, for example the Mangalore pub incident. Uneven growth and development is harmful for any society.

2. Male Female Segregation

When I lived in india in mid-90s, male-female interaction was looked down upon severely. I was in a school in Ludhiana (Punjab) and my mother was often called to school by my teachers to be informed of my un-ladylike behavior. I used to hang out with boys in my class. None of the other girls would do that. I used to chat with boys, play sports with them, and just be friends with them. It was not approved by teachers, however, and I frequently got reprimanded. And this school is one of the best in Ludhiana. Even outside school if I was seen talking to a schoolmate (male), I’d be in trouble for someone would go tell my parents. Sometimes, even strangers thought it was their business to tell me that I should behave like a girl from a respected family and not spend time talking to ‘boys’. I was 13/14 around that time. Bloody h#@#, I was only talking!

I am not sure how times have changed now but, as far as I understand, dating still isn’t accepted by the culture. It’s still a taboo subject in majority of families. Young men and women (of non-elite/non-rich families) don’t mix socially but all of them are raging with hormones of youth so to speak. None of them get a chance to go through a mate-selection process (aka dating) that in a natural environment, every healthy young adult should go through. Males should get a chance to aggressively show off their skills to impress their female counterpart who in turn should have the opportunity to pick and choose her mate at her convenience. That’s how it works in any free society, doesn’t it? In America, for example, on Friday nights, various clubs give women free entry just because it would attract men. It’s in the club that mating-games happen. However, if that is restricted, eve-teasing on the streets is bound to happen.

Males need to show off their masculanity. They are young; they’re stupid; they’re wanting to be the alpha-dog in their peers plus their hormones are raging. That aside, segregation from females never gives them the chance to understand women and learn how they operate. They never get sensitized to women’s emotional leanings. For that reason, most of them don’t even realize that their words might hurt the opposite sex.

There are a few men who are sadists (every society has them) but majority of street eve-teasers are just frustrated men who need an avenue to vent their aggressiveness and they mostly don’t realize the damage that they are causing. One of the reasons for this pent-up frustration is male-female segregation in teenage/young adulthood. So, it really disheartens me when I read something like IHM wrote about: Rajasthan CM Ashok Gehlot wants to end the culture of boys and girls roaming around in malls holding hands.

3. Popular Culture and Family Influence

There are more than a few men who having lived in the same environment as their eve-teasing-peers don’t resort to such activities. That’s where importance of popular culture and positive influence of family values come into play. Observe if you may, any ‘decent’ man you would meet has had an upbringing with either a strong female figure in his house or with a strong bond with a female figure in the house. There are chances that there is a strong male figure in the house but he is someone who despite his dominant attitude is respectful towards females. Children learn from examples. A strong family value system wherein every member in the family is equally respected is bound to get fixed in a child’s mind and remain with him/her throughout adulthood.

Same is the case with popular culture. Sadly, the pop culture of today is that Ekta Kapoor projects on our televisions. Need I say more? Even in 2000s, films like Vivaah are becoming superhits. Many men are still seeking brides like the female protagonist of the film: one who wears salvaar kameez, speaks shyly, serves husband food, prays regularly, irons clothes for him and rest of the family etc etc. The film is ridden with cliches that are so far removed from our present day realities. Yet, those cliches are what we want to change our lives into. We find it difficult to accept that not everyone can be Poonam from Madhupur (female protag of Vivaah) and feel dejected in the process. That’s how much influence pop culture has on us. I am not blaming media since it only dishes what people want to see. It’s a catch-22 really but it would be nice to see some positive voice in the pop culture that keeps up with the current times.

Media/pop culture also sends mixed signals to young men and women in terms of issues like eve-teasing. On screen, it is shown in songs (atleast in 90s it was shown) that girls enjoy men teasing them and often give in to men who are persistent. Watch this (I use this song as an example because it was ’sung’ to me a few times and I felt like slapping every fool who sang it to me.):

After watching this, do you think a 16 year old young man would leave it behind in the theater? He wants to be like the hero and goes on the streets replicating the same behavior unaware of the distinction between fiction and real life. Last thing he’d think of is that he’s hurting a girl in midst of his heroics. All he knows is that the girl in the video enjoyed the attention and, at the end, the hero gets a kiss from her too. How would a 16 year old know that it’s not the same in real life? He’s only trying to be cool like his favorite actor. One event leads to another and (in addition to causes mentioned in #2) he becomes a chronic eve-teaser. Bingo.

(Boy that was long)

Now on to Solutions:

1. Wealth MUST trickle down. Development and growth MUST be evened out to reduce the clash of cultural values. The gap cannot be eliminated but it can be reduced.

2. Male – female segregation should be discouraged. Women and men of influence should be extremely vocal about this. Young males and females should be encouraged to intermix with peers their age in a healthy and a supportive manner.

3. Women in every household should speak up for their rights and freedoms. Change only begins at home. Every woman owes it to her children – both boys and girls – to teach them the importance of respecting everyone despite gender differences. In addition to that, men in the family should respect their wives and mothers and lead by example.

4. Popular culture needs to be revised. Women should voice their concern with the media’s negative portrayal of women and their reality. Rubbish like Ekta Kapoor serials should be denounced. News about women getting beat in pubs shouldn’t be the only news making to the mainstream media channels available for young impressionable minds to view. There should also be news of strong women and men opposing the attacks in order to provide a fair coverage.

5. On a personal level, if someone misbehaves with you on the street, try not to lose temper. Try and imagine that he is not aware of your feelings that are hurt. Instead of screaming back at him or throwing a shoe at him (which he might be expecting), try to ‘nicely’ tell him that his words hurt you. Make it known to him that it affected you so much that you might go home and cry. He might not react back to you at that moment. He might laugh at your face but he surely will think twice before hurting any other woman again.

That’s about it really.

If all else fails, I had a brilliant idea last night of forming Sita Sena on the lines of Gulabi Gang but a much more sophisticated and nationally operable version of it ;) heh. Those of you who don’t know about Gulabi Gang, it is a gang of women known for thrashing men who beat their wives, commit any atrocity against women in their family, and the gang is also in strict opposition of government officials who misuse their power. The Gulabi women have often taken law into their hands by beating police officers when they are being unfair. Read more about them here.

(If I haven’t answered your comments on previous posts, please understand why. :) This post took time!!! :) Thanks. I’ll try to answer soon though.)