Letter to a 5 month old

5 months, dude. Already! And you are still a baby. You still don’t call me Mommy. You still don’t make me run after you. You still don’t go hide and make me look for you. You’re still a teeny tiny baby wanting to eat everything that your mouth comes in contact with. But then … teeny tiny you might be, you are definitely bigger than a month ago. In age, surely. In size, I can never tell until I have to go shop for new clothes for you which by the way, I’ve almost give up on now because you hate your carseat … umm we’ll get there. Let’s first begin with a warm greeting …

… My dear darling jalebi ke tukde

… Why the heck are you so edible? I am amazed that despite the number of times I bite on your cheeks through the day, they still stay the same. No wonder I am always hungry for more. I never am able to bite enough off to satisfy my appetite. See, now I am talking all mushy again as I always do in these letters. A few hours ago, I was certain that this letter would be nothing but a list of complaints, and then you let me cuddle with you in the evening. You giggled when I kissed you. You screamed with delight when I bit your chin. You bit me back when I offered you mine. All my complaints against you immediately melted away. And I was in love all over again. As I am by the end of every day. Your dad jokes with me that my love for you comes in waves. It’s at its peak in the morning but it goes down as the day goes on, hitting the lowest in the evening before you go to sleep, and begins to go up as the night progresses to reach the peak again by the morning haha. It’s true, my love, it’s true. You test my patience. You keep me on my toes. You don’t let me live the life I was accustomed to before you came along. You’ve wrapped me around your little hand and you gnaw at me all day long as you do everything else at this stage. And I let you. Sigh.

Ok, where are we developmentally? You want to sit up now. You do sit up if I help you up but you can’t get yourself up from the ground yet and that frustrates you. Maybe if you played by yourself more, you might be able to practice this sitting gig and get it right faster but, of course, Mommy’s arms and lap are much more fun. Oh wait, you do play by yourself with your toys if you are well rested and you’ve napped well. But, of course, you still haven’t figured out the napping business either. Mommy has tried every trick in every book written on sleep training, has humbly accepted every suggestion any seasoned mother has offered her, but you’re still a mind of your own …. up and raring to go after a forty minute nap only to be tired minutes later. Let’s pray and hope that by the sixth month, it’ll all turn around and you’d be blessing me with longer naps. Hey, I have every right to dream. You can’t take that away from me. Na No Na No Na Na No! Oh You’ve also got me locked up in home by the way. You H A T E your carseat. You can’t sit in it without screaming for longer than five minutes. What did people say about kids loving their carseat? Ugh, mine hates it, and driving with a screaming kid in the back is never fun. So I stay home. I only leave home when I absolutely need to or I time it such that we only go out when you’ve just woken up and come back within an hour to avoid your tired time when the screaming is the worst.

Yep, I complained. Even though you made me feel all so mushy today, I complained. I have a good excuse though. A real good one. I complain cuz I want to let you know that despite all of the hairloss that I’ve had as a result of me pulling it out every time you’ve clung to me all day, didn’t let me shower all day, didn’t let me get out of the house for days, I love you much much more than I’ve ever loved my freedoms and my life before you came into it. I would be in the midst of a frustrating fit when you smile and my frustration goes melting away for that instant. It comes back of course but so does your smile to melt it away again. :) We piss each other off, we make each other happy, we laugh with each other, we cry with each other, we hug each other, we kiss each other, we lock eyes, we communicate in ways no one else can understand, we get frustrated with each other many times, but still we both need each other for reasons I cannot explain. I need you just as much as you need your mother. I look at you for comfort and love just as much as you look at me for it. We are two people so dependent on each other that I can see both of us struggling for independence from the bond that holds us so tight together that we might find it restrictive many times in our life together. We’ll just have to learn to live together I guess cuz there is no other way about it. Believe it or not, I might complain about your clinginess but I am quite clingy too. :D

This month, sweetheart, has been one of the most difficult months your mum and dad have ever had. This month brought with it news that you might know already if you are old enough to read this letter. The news that will continue to be a constant reminder to us as a family that nothing is permanent. Except our love for each other in a family, and positivity and hope in life. Other than that, we have to live in the present, and we have to live it to the fullest. Tough time comes striking you when you least expect it but you have to face your challenges head on. All of us have our share of struggles to live with, and we will fight and live with ours together as a family. I want you to always remember that you can never control all your circumstances but one thing that you always have under control is your attitude towards life. You can sail through anything in life without much discomfort if you stay positive, if you never give up hope, if you live in the present and never let surprizes in the future overwhelm you. Tough times will come and so will good times. Enjoy the good the best you can, and aim for survival through the rough spots. Strength of character is not just in a tough exterior but it is in your ability to accept your circumstances as they are, cry if you need to, work on a solution to the problem on hand, and be positive about the results of your action that you would take to solve the muddle that you are in. And if you fail, try again. Never give up. Unless of course, if Mommy or Daddy say ‘no’, it is a ‘no’ then. ;D

I’ll wrap up this letter for this month now. Just so you know, no matter what happens, you will always be loved. You are an angel in our lives sent to us to make our lives worthwhile. Without you, the problems that we are facing now would’ve been much worse than they are now. We would’ve been hurting a lot more if it were not for your smiles that cheer us up when we are down. Our positive outlook might have not been this strong if it weren’t for you prodding us on to live our lives as if nothing has happened. You are our strength, our motivation, our guide, our little pari.

Love you sooooo much, you five monther big girl!! You’d be crawling, walking, talking soon …. and I can hardly wait!

KISSES and BITES

Yo mama! :D

oops forgot the pic! heeeeerrreee we go (almooost as pretty as mum haha):

Our lil devil on halloween 2011.

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